Harold Kaimowitz
1939 - 1994
Harold : A story of love and courage
By Patricia Kaimowitz Flaum
This is my personal story which took place in Cape Town, my birthplace and home 10 years ago. It's a story of courage and love.
My husband, Harold (Chaim) a health enthusiast and disciplined sportsman had just received the shocking news at aged 55 that he had terminal Cancer. He called me into our bedroom and informed me that his recent tiredness, loss of weight and now yellowing of his eyes indicated through tests he had undergone that afternoon that he was suffering from Cancer of the Liver and that he would not survive more than 6 months. Furthermore he insisted I listen to what he had to say.
With no concern for his condition and impending death sentence and only with great love for me, his wife of 26 years he continued to tell me how he wanted me to live after his death. I don't think I had ever realized before just how much he truly loved me until he mapped out my future life without him.
Now he told me in no uncertain terms that I was not to mourn him for more than a month, something we both knew to be a Jewish custom. Further more after that month he made me promise I would continue singing in my choir, playing music and going out socially. Indeed not only was I to go out and enjoy myself but he asked me to ensure that I went on dates, and even get married again. Then he very seriously recommended the ideal husband for me, John Flaum, a man with who both of us were acquainted through our mutual friends with whom we had just been staying in JHB and who was experiencing the pains of a bitter divorce. Harold continued further to extol John's virtues and assured me he would make a good husband. He made other suggestions and assured me that "he would always look after me" when he was gone.
Harold, throughout his short illness never once complained about his tragic fate but continued to show concern for my future and one of his last words to me were to apologize for letting me down! He lived a whole week longer than the doctors expected after he had chosen an additional name from the Chumash with the help of the rabbi, And so Chaim Yosef (extra life) as he was now known passed from this world on the 5th evening of Chanukah.
And so aged 50 I now struggled to live the very hard life of a widow. Besides the physical loss of the person to whom I was the closest and all the feelings of personal sadness, the world seem to turn in on me.
Weekends and holidays were virtual nightmares and attending functions alone were experiences of punishment. Soon I realized I simply had to make a new and different life for myself.
Within six months I was on my way to Israel to enroll for a post grad course which I intended to follow the next year at Melton Institute in Jerusalem. On the way I stopped over in JHB to spend time with these same dear friends. On arrival from the airport I was met not only by them but by all their friends with whom I had become acquainted over the many years Harold and I had stayed with them. Over tea we got into discussion about end of year holidays arrangements and I invited my hosts to again visit me in Cape Town as they had often done in the past. I strongly urged them to take advantage of the special very low cost air tickets offered by Phoenix Airlines.
Though they were very interested they declined me immediately, at the same time pointing to John saying that they had promised to spend their holiday together with him as they did not want to leave him alone so soon after his divorce.
What prompted me to turn to John and invite him to come along, I don't know, but I noticed his immediate reaction when I did his gloomy countenance lit up and he joyously accepted my invitation. Within a day all three booked their tickets on the above airline and looked forward to traveling in December to Cape Town.
On my return from Israel I seem to have found a new friend albeit a telephone one. John started phoning casually and then regularly and the slight friendship started developing into a deeper one. He was very excited about his coming trip to Cape Town, a place he told me he had not visited for 20 years.
As luck would have it, all three of my Joberg friends suddenly found themselves minus any air tickets as the company soon went belly up. John, previously a typical, careful accountant immediately made a new booking with SAA but this time he booked for 10 days instead of a week. However the couple came up with one reason after another all of which I believed for many years as to why they could not book a new air ticket.
By December 1995 just a year after the untimely passing of Harold, John arrived alone at CT Airport. He looked on in sympathy as I lit the lst yartzeit candle for Harold and we became a source of comfort to one another.
We spent the 10 days exploring my birthplace, my beloved CapeTown. I was the enthusiastic guide, he the thirsty and enquiring tourist. I was so excited to be showing off to my JHB visitor the beauties of the Cape, the scenic drives, the up market Waterfront, the frothy waves on sun kissed beaches, the magnificent sunsets, the quaint harbors. The weather sided with us and it too wanted John to be impressed. Even the traditional wind stayed at bay.
John was a visitor however and I insisted that I pay for myself. After all this was not a date! At home I wandered around as usual not making any special attempt to impress my visitor, sometimes even dressed in a gown, slippers and devoid of makeup. One day melted into another and we found intense pleasure just being with each other. Now John insisted that he was inviting me out, that he wanted to pay for me and so we started dating.
At one point my sister pointed out to me that John was the kind of man for me. My reaction was immediate and strong. I became angry and retorted that this man lived in JHB and I would not be seeing him.
for a long time. What was the point? Indeed I now just hoped he would go home. Of course unbeknown to me at the time, my feelings for him had surfaced and I just could not bear another loss.
And so the beautiful holiday drew to a close. On the way to the airport John asked to visit Harold's grave. It was almost as though he wanted to reconnect with him. After all they had got on so well during the times we had all been together. At the departure gate John and I shook hands to say good bye. It was then that my emotions could not stay hidden. The tears poured from my eyes and openly weeping I was then enveloped in the arms of my future husband.
In the following year we both managed to travel between JHB and CT numerous times and the scenes at the two airports were almost like from the movie "Casablanca".
All this resulted in an engagement the following December, marriage six months later and my relocation to JHB. It turned out that our mutual friends had purposely not booked more air tickets as they wanted John to spend the holiday with me alone. At the wedding they proudly walked John down the aisle as his unterferes.
That was 10 years ago. Between us we now have a family of 5 children and 9 grandchildren all living in JHB and still growing. I have befriended the ex wife (my Bridge partner) and we are really one big family. Today we look back on that summer in Cape Town which established the beginnings of our second chance of love with a glint in our eyes, knowing that our love was indeed beshert.
We truly believe that Harold blessed this relationship.
And as for the lost airline ticket, in this case my accountant husband, John quickly wrote off the worthless airline ticket as a huge personal gain.